Missing My Man

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight.  It’s not that I don’t believe in such things.  That’s just not how it happened for us.  After six years of being in the same friend circle, we finally connected on a deeper level.  We ran into each other after not seeing one another for several months and started talking.  After that first initial spark, a fire erupted and things moved incredibly fast.  We were married seven months later.

During our 12 years of marriage, we’ve spent time apart because of work trips and even lived four states away from each other for 6 months while he finished school and I began our family’s transition back to Texas. That was early in our marriage, and I honestly don’t recall missing him all that much.  I had a toddler to chase after, a new job to focus on and bills to pay.  And, something was different about our marriage back then.

I left to go out of town for work on Tuesday, May 14, and, on Saturday, May 26, I will pick up my husband from the airport and spend a few brief hours with him before leaving again to go out of town for one night.  When I get back, he leaves again for three days.  In fifteen days, we will spend one night together.

These past 12 days have been agonizing without my best friend.  I am incredibly independent and there was a time in my life when I was pretty convinced I would never get married.  I didn’t want another person to depend on me, and I certainly didn’t want to depend on a man for anything.  But, I would gladly endure the temporary suffering while he is away over the long-term pain of isolation.

Marrying him was the best decision I ever made.  He periodically tells me or others that I am somehow responsible for his salvation and that he would not be doing ministry if it wasn’t for me.  The truth is, I believe he saved me from a selfish path of bitterness, regret and anger.   Together, we are better individuals.  I see that now.

Since surrendering our lives (and our marriage) to God and vowing to be obedient to Him and not our own selfish desires, an amazing thing happened.  Our marriage went from on-the-rocks, to tolerable to ON FIRE!

Seriously, our marriage is more fun and exciting than I ever thought being in a relationship could be.  Our expectations are communicated and our communication is respectful.  We laugh more, we actually want to spend time together, we look for ways to serve the other and we don’t hold onto feelings of resentment or discontent to use against the other in a future fight.  Our early days of marriage looked quite opposite of the picture I’ve just painted.  Please don’t read this and think we have it all figured out.  We don’t.  Our first few years were beyond tough.  But, I’m so grateful that we stuck with our marriage long enough to enjoy the incredible benefits of loving another person unconditionally.

For the past week, he’s been in Alaska on a mission trip with other creative geniuses, musicians and techies.  I suspect he is having a blast, and I absolutely want him to grow, learn and serve God in other places in the world.  But, I miss him.  Bad.  It’s hard for me to admit how badly I want to melt in his arms.  I still have one more day without him to get through and then he will be home.

God’s plan is perfect.  I didn’t call my husband to serve in a church.  God did.  My husband didn’t pull me out of a place of bitterness and regret, God did.  He put us together for a purpose, and I suspect we’ve only experienced a glimpse of what He will do through us and our marriage to build His kingdom.  And, while I strongly desire to be reunited with my husband, I know that my identity is not found in my husband’s eyes.  My identity is found in Christ and that brings me great comfort.

If you are looking for resources to build a stronger marriage, I strongly recommend the resources found at www.refineus.org and the book Beyond Ordinary by Justin and Trisha Davis.